To the next me

12 August 2019
Monday

A work in progress

To the next chief resident:

The next 365+ days will be the toughest ones of your career. From someone who merely wants to finish the training, you will be given a load unlike anyone else's. I know you didn't have a choice about this. Dear friend, how I wish I had a choice, too. And while everyone thinks you're the right one for the job, I know you also just wanted a chance to say no and finish the training in peace. Because who wants that enormous task anyway? A thankless job, that's what it is.

You will start to live each day with the weight of the department resting on your shoulders. A lot of what will weigh you down is not actually yours to carry. Each move, each decision, each word you say will have an effect on people. If you were to rate the level of stress on a scale of 10, everyday will always be a 9. On bad days, it will be a 10.

On most days, you will come across a fork in the road -- of doing what you think is best for you, your career, your growth, your love for the science; and doing what needs to be done. And more often than not, you will have to choose the latter. Because the progress of your people, the growth of others, and the name of your department rests in your hands. You will not like it, and you might always think that you can always choose not to do them--but your professional and moral fiber will lead you to decide otherwise.

Don't get me wrong, it has its joys. You will begin to feel fulfilment and happiness with the littlest things--the success of your juniors, the small changes you make in the existing policies, the opportunity to share your knowledge, and most importantly, the lives that you make better just by doing the job. Offer your hand to someone who needs help even if your hands seem full. You will be everyone's rock keeping them grounded and steady.

I have had my own share of errors, and I have disappointed some as I did this job; and I think that it's okay. People will have the notion that you know everything, that you have a fix for every problem; and that can be terrifying. It's okay to be afraid. On most days, you won't know what to do, but I know that you have what it takes to figure it out. The most vital thing that you need to remember is to learn. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from your experiences. Learn from the people. Sometimes you learn from those whom you never thought could teach you a lesson. Every setback, every triumph, every task that comes your way adds only to your maturity.

When things get tough, remember to breathe. Rest, if you must. You will always feel like you're trying to catch up and that's alright. You are in training after all.

I pass on this title having no doubt that you will do a finer job than me. You did not choose this, but the department chose you. Have faith. For now, I bid you my warmest congratulations and wish you the best of luck. Your life is about to change.