Today, I woke up from a terrible nightmare. The dream was not entirely vivid, but I remember feeling out of breath as I cried my heart out. There was an image of you on my couch, and then I saw myself getting out of the bathroom when he called. You answered. And then the two of you wouldn't stop talking, laughing. He made you happy. I remember being in tears as I shouted, "Please don't go." But you took your phone, hurried to the door, and just left me there. 8:15 AM.

Over the past days, I couldn't stop myself from thinking. From being afraid. How did it ever come to this--to being so afraid? Afraid of losing you, yet also afraid that if we were together, life will find a way to break us. A text. An email. A phone call. A chance encounter with him. Afraid of you not being able to let go. Afraid of not being enough.

I keep wondering, is this how love is supposed to be like? In your own words, how do we love? Isn't love, by its very nature, the most basic and simplest way of feeling? Weren't we told that love should be greater than our fears and doubts?

I do not want to love with so much fear. You and I don't deserve that. I am also not asking you to forget the past; to un-love him--it's absurd to think that's possible. I know there will come a time when you can honestly tell me and yourself that you're ready. How and when we'll get there is that which we do not know. Maybe when that time comes I will still be here--unafraid, certain. And maybe then, I could love you with the same vastness, the same depth, and the same tranquility as the ocean. Maybe.

I wish I could stop myself from thinking. In all honesty, sometimes, I feel like I am weighing myself down. I hope I can be better.